Monday, January 25, 2010

My song for you.

#When he died
You were crying
And I was there for you

When they laughed
You were downed
And I was there with you

You and me
We were together
Through all of these
Highs and lows
I was with you
And you were there with me

Why do you have to
Leave me alone
Why do you have to
Go away
Why am I going through
All of these days
While you're up in the heavens
And I am all alone

When she left
I was sobbing
And you were there for me

When they scolded
I was so down
And you held my hands through all of this

Why am I suddenly all alone
Why did you have to make me go through all of these days
Why am I standing here all alone
Without you by my side#

I'm not heartless.
I lost someone in that incident too.
But because of the promises we made to each other.
I won't wail.
I won't sob.
I'll just break my own heart.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

20/J - Being selfish?

Maybe they weren't.
Maybe it was just me.

My whole school was buzzing about the dragon boat incident.
Still is.
The other day I was reading the papers.
And there were two girls sitting beside me (unknown ppl).
They were reading the chinese paper.
Then suddenly...
Quote girl 1 : Wah this guy very shuai leh
Quote girl 2 : Ya lor. Die so early. What a waste.
Girl 1 : Eh I wonder if he have any girlfriend?
Girl 2 : Of course la. See his face also know he's a playboy d la.
Girl 1 : What if he's gay?
Girl 2 : *fake throwing up*
Girl 1 laughs.
Girls 2 joins.

Is that what you talk about the deceased?
Did you even wonder that maybe, just maybe his girlfriend or someone would be sitting beside you?
And what would she feel if she heard what you said?
Did you two even think whether someone who loves him would be so hurt by what you said?
That she cried tears?

I felt like slapping them.
But it seems like everyone around me was saying the same things.
I can't slap all of them, no?
So I just keep it in myself.
And wish for the best to everyone who've lost their loved ones.

Unlike you, your mum still continue reading my blog.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Happy WAY belated new year everybod!

2009 was a great year.
Going through all the turbulences.
Surviving the waves of life.
Being happy after everything that happened.

2009 was a hard year.
Friend broke up.
Couples broke up.
People died.
People cried.

But all of those will be memories that forms a better me.
Memories that will make me a better person.
So thank you.
For including yourself in this chapter of my life.
For allowing me to write a story of my life that contains your name, your story, your tears, your laughs.

Friends forever?
Maybe not.
Memories forever.

Thanks fam for going through everything with me!
Kisses and hugs to everyone!

Your mum reads my blog.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Friends that just aren't meant to be.

"We're just friends that aren't meant to be. We all cared about you. But it seems like you didn't find a need to accept our care. We're better off not being friends."
She ripped my heart apart when she said that.
Her reason was that I made all of them worried for no reason.

Am I suppose to tell her?
That I lied to the counselling teacher?
That I lied to hide the truth?
I just typed an 'ok' when she said that.
It's not like they'd believe me.
It's always like that.
When I say the truth, it's always lies.
And when I lie, I'm talking about the truth.
I don't get it.
And I never will.

So I decided.
Maybe I should distance myself.
From everyone.
I'll stop telling about what I'm going through.
And all of you can stop caring.

I am all alone.
I am lonely.
How pathetic am I?
How ignorant are they?

Your mum don't seem to want to read my blog anymore.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Rylee. She's the only person that would, could and will force me to kill myself.

It's a long title, but it says it all.
Yesterday a friend of Rylee's texted me.
And my mind wandered to Rylee.
And then I got a mail from a friend of mine asking me what happened at Ank.
And that's when what happened at Ank crushed all over me.
Cried until this morning.

I was so happy when I saw Rylee's text to Carynn.
I thought she didn't die.
And I thought maybe this was a hint for me from her.
Maybe she intentionally hacked my hp and used my number so that I can track her down.
And meet her.

It never crossed my mind that it was all a trap.
And there I was going down the plane so happily thinking that maybe, just maybe I can meet Rylee for one last time.
I can't actually tell anyone what happened when I got down,
but i can tell you that it's something that would hunt me forever.
The guilt is still here.
What would his family feel?
How would they tell them?
What's going to happen to their lives?
These question keep going around my head non stop.
And I can't seem to push it out of my mind.

And I thought I had all my emotions in my grasp when I went to school today.
But when I see Carynn, my whole feelings just wobbled.
And the tears came back.
They asked me whether I think she cooperated with them to do this to me.
And I don't know.
I can't judge someone blindly.
But I can't fully deny her participation in this trap too.
They have no proof that she's in this,
I have no proof that she's not.

Having to hold someone while they die is never a good feeling.
Neither is washing their blood away from your own hands.
I hope none of you have to go through what I went through.
And I hope that life's going to be just a breeze for all of you.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Vaguely familiar~

And familiarly vague. Was whipping through my photo album.
I am one hell of a cute baby, aren't I? *got lazy with my scanner* Hahahaha.
Adli and I. At the oh-so-wonderful Mackers. He's cute too, no? He cries A LOT in all his picts. I wonder why.... :P
Posing giler la tuuu... Gatal la my back. Nak garu skit baba/mm dah snap! Hahahahaha. Malayana me.
Then I flipped through this pict.
And ain't he FAMILIAR?
The guy that's shaking hands with me.
He looks like... someone.
Also, the guy at the right.
He looks SOOOO familiar too.
Just wondering.
If you're who you are and you recog this pict,
call me. *winks*
Your mum reads my blog.
Auntie, where's your child's baby picts?