Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Intriguing.

Had our full-dress rehearsal today.
♥!!
It was the funnest rehearsal ever.
My wardrobe malfunction :P, the dancers' headbands, their short shorts, heel problems...
And yet for the first time everyone said that we danced pretty!
The teachers even gave us two thumbs up woohoo!
Proud of S5C for doing such a great job.

I'm sure other classes did well too.
Excited for the real day.
One thing intrigued me though.
Did they decided to group us halal girls (wtf they seriously call us that) with the vegan girls?
I don't wanna be eating vegan when all I can't eat is pork!
It'll be sien chewing those veges!
Oh well...
That's the price you pay for being a muslim studying in a chinese school.

But then it's still unfair.
That band girl have no right to question my religion.
No right at all.
I hate her.
Pfft.
I wonder why are band girls so racist?
Maybe everyone else is just as racist but!!
Come on lah.
You and I both form five d okay?
I have been studying in that school for five years and now only you wanna talk about me.
Get over it, will you?
So what if yesterday I wore my baju kurung and today I wore that transparent skirt?
It's not like I was the only one who wore that skirt.
It's not like the skirt that my class' girls wore showed anything at all.
You tergoda with my sexiness isit?
Or you jealous?
Eh please lah go take care of your shitass gf.
Her shorts was even worse than mine in terms of showing of her arse and you and I know it.
When you said what you said you should look at your friends' face.
They were filled with guilt and embarrassment.
At least they have the decency to not portray their racism blindly.
Unlike you.

Jeez I'm so mad.
But I hope she reads this haha.
Then she'll know what a bitch she was.
Hmmph.

Your mum reads my blog.
Intrigued.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Happy.

It's funny how a phone call can make me so happy.
:)



Your mum reads my blog.

Monday, September 26, 2011

What I want for my birthday.

So lots of people have been asking me what I want for my birthday.
Lots of people asked me when's my birthday too.
I'd usually go 'oh whatever also can lah'.
Or maybe 'a bday wish'.

But this year.
This year is an exception.
I decided to not celebrate my birthday this year.
And by not celebrating, I don't just mean no parties.
I mean no presents, no wishes, nothing.
Not on that day, not the day before, not even the day after.
Don't ask me why.
Personal reasons.
I just don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year.

But you know what would be great?
To have a silent moment.
A moment where no words are exchanged, but a thousand emotions are transmitted through one's eyes.
I still remember having that moment with someone.
And though we were the most silent we've ever been, we felt a lot.
Even more than when we were busy talking to each other.
It's harder than you think, this silent moment.
To have someone trust you enough to let them interpret your thoughts through the way you're staring at them, it takes lots of courage and trust.
I still remember how that one silent moment we had brought tears to our eyes and how both of us cried together.

If anyone is reading this, do spread the word.
That I do not want a loud, happy birthday.
I want a silent, meaningful one.



Your mum reads my blog.
I seriously do wonder why we can only communicate through texts and blog posts but we never ever talk to each other.
I don't have much to say.
But I just think that there's more to our friendship than what it is right now.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Beef noodles, anyone?

{Automated post. Just cause.}

I personally am not a fan of beef noodles, especially those with the innards and stuff...
So I wasn't too keen when mm told me we're going to Sukothai.
She bought these coupons from everyday.com.my and decided to try this out, so..

Sukothai Beef Noodles House.
Their options are limited, but it doesn't really matter because their specialty is their beef noodles.

My bowl of beef noodle.
8.90 for one bowl, I think!!

Let's dig in!!
This noodle is ♥.
Mainly because there's no innards in it.
It's mainly beef balls and beef.
The soup was nice, not too salty.
The noodles made us full.
Oh btw, you have three choices of noodles to choose from, the original one, glass noodles, and maggi.

Go and I.
He hates taking photos.
No idea why.

Had the banana sago.
It was nice!
Not too sweet, and I think they used ordinary milk instead of coconut milk so it wasn't so... coconut-ish.
They also have coconut sticky rice and mango sticky rice.

Last but not least...
Because you said you love seeing me smile :)



Your mum reads my blog.
I hope the light in my eyes will come back.
I really do.


Saturday, September 24, 2011

I'm sick.

What a bad day.
Woke up at 4AM with a burning forehead, an exploding brain and a sore body.
38.7 degrees! Woots!
Of all the days that my body choose to betray me, it had to be today.
*breathes out*
Pfft.
Slept like a pig.
Woke up, ate meds, slept, woke up, ate another round of meds, slept again, woke up, blogging (ya I know I should be sleeping but *shrugs*)
Oh and not to mention sticking on coolfever, taking it off, sticking a new one on...
Everytime I'm sick, this is the routine I'd follow.
What a boring life.
Oh well.
Head's throbbing right now.
Got to go sleep :)


Your mum reads my blog.
Sorry QY I really wished we could've gone to GP together but you know lah unexpected things always happen. :(

Thursday, September 22, 2011

It hurts.

But I'm free.
They took the devil's horns out.
I thought I would be happy.
But for no reason a wave of sadness washed over me.
Now all I feel is an emptiness in my heart.
Did I made the wrong decision?



Your mum reads my blog.
I always belong to someone else except myself.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Granny's Bday.


Mm, Granny and I.

Last week our whole family went to Sakae at Gurney P. to celebrate Granny's 35th bday! :P
We only ever go out for dinner together during CNY so this was kinda special.
Go and Bang.

Another one of bang with his set dish.

Mm and I.

What we ate.
Oyster(?!!), plates of sushi, vinegar *vomits* and bang.
Well we didn't eat bang lah but didn't take that much photos of our food so haha.


Oh oh last but not least....
Bang and I because I seldom take pictures with him ♥



Your mum reads my blog.
It's been a while, haven't it?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I think...

I could no longer write my feelings here.
Because people always misunderstand me, jumping into conclusions and stuff.
Don't wanna talk about it.
Cause my mind's still messed up.

Separate Ways

"When I lost you as a friend,
The days seemed so long.
I missed you every moment,
And everything just felt so wrong.

When we both went our separate ways,
I felt sad and alone.
I wonder if you felt that way too,
Or if you'd ever phone.

I hope that we can talk someday,
For I do miss you so.
I'd love to work things out with you,
And see our friendship grow."

Someone gave me this poem not too long ago.
As an apology poem.
Kinda felt like I should share it with you guys, so...


"Lynnie, where did that spark, that intensity, that spirit in your eyes go?"
I don't know.
I really don't know.


Your mum reads my blog.
I wish people would just ignore their egos and apologize.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm backing off.

I'm closing the heart that I opened.
I'm retreating.
Retracing my steps.
Going back to where I was.
Shutting myself down.
Letting everyone go.





Your mum reads my blog.
You made a fool out of everyone.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

忧伤, 已成一种习惯.

的路. 
不管怎么说, 都要走下去.
不管是辛苦, 还是开心, 都要坚持下去. 
的梦. 
不管多艰难, 都要实现它. 
无论是我的明天要去哪里,  快乐伤心我自己决定.


"Nurlynnie Azzureenie Abdullah!"
"?"
"What have you done?"
"What have I done?"
"Don't act dumb!"
"What does what I do have anything to do with you anyways?"
"I'm your friend!"
"You're my friend? My friend? Since when were you my friend? When you said you didn't trust me? When you said you want to break off our friendship? When you said this friendship is not worth holding on to? When you said that I'm fucking out of my mind? When you and your friends talk about me behind my back?"
"Lynnie..."
"Don't you dare talk to me about being a friend. Don't you dare even say that you were my friend. Don't you dare question what I chose to do and what I chose not to do when hardly a month ago you said that you don't care about me. Just don't."


I think this was how the conversation went.
I guess I blew up, huh?
No matter if it's my problem, or if it's hers.
What's done is done, what's said is said.








Your mum reads my blog.
Two years ago, you and your friends made conclusions about me without knowing the truth.
Now that you know, will it change anything?
No, it won't.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Like a mermaid.

I swam 32 laps today.
And no I'm not cheating 1 lap = back and forth.
So exhilarating!!! :D

This is how I look like after 32 laps haha.

And this is how I look like after I showered.
Haha saja wanna show off the big bathroom :P




Your mum reads my blog.
Finish emo-ing d.
Ok d.
You there, no need to worry k?

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Miles and miles.

"我的生活并不会非常特别.
只是因为被病魔选上, 才和大家有点不一样."

A tap on my window.
A knock on my door.
A hole in my heart.
A needle in my head.

"Lynnie, you smell like death, you sound like death and you look like death."
Oh well.
Maybe I'm dead?
LOL.
Let's not get emo.
Need to have at least one LOL in every post. :)

Your mum reads my blog.
I don't mind if it rains again.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Complain heard.

Apparently my school read my blog (as if )  and turned down the air con!
Yay!
After 1 week of complains, finally they listen and defrost us.
:D

CGs and TC.
Pretty pretty.
:)



Your mum reads my blog.
Rain rain rain.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

What a waste.

Everyone's using iPad 2 nowadays... Sien nia nothing special.
Oh I've got BB Playbook wor.
Nothing special with it too.
Other then being handy when I'm bored to death, what else do they give us?
A separation from our social lives??


My school is wasting electricity by freezing us to death (or trying to anyways. Us smart girls brought our sweaters while the poor ones who forget literally froze to death)
Poor us? Or poor school?


Your mum reads my blog.
This never ending trials is taking a toll on my health.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Decisions.

I've decided on something.
Something big.
Something drastic.
Something life changing.
So if you can,
Take my hand throughout everything.
Support me.
And accompany me through what may be a horrendous journey.

Searching for a ray of light, a shining star, a moonlit sky.
Wth I look so freaking pale.

Your mum reads my blog.
*breathes out*.
Thanks for the present you gave me.
Can I give it back to you?
I don't deserve it.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Darn those bloodsucking needles.

The itch is killing me.
Pfft.



Your mum reads my blog.
I do have a diary.
It's where I write all the thoughts and incidents unwrittenable here.
This blog isn't everything I am, k?
So don't judge me by the things I wrote.
Because you and I know better.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Committing suicide.

"I decided that I can't stand it any longer.
Everything that's happening.
My heart, my soul could no longer handle it.
I gave up.
So I opened the medicine cabinet.
And I took out the pills that were in there.
Painkillers, Paracetamol, sleeping pills, flu pills, cough pills, blood pressure pills, heartbeat regulator pills, anemic pills...
I took a few of each.
Just when I wanted to shove everything in my mouth, I stopped.
And counted those pills.
1, 2, 3, 4, .... 35
No idea why I did it.
Maybe I was hoping that someone would stop me.
Deciding that this amount was enough for me to take my own life, I ate them.
One by one.
By the time I finished, my stomach was full with water.
Then, I waited.
I lied on the couch and waited.
My head started spinning.
It was like my brain was exploding from the inside.
My heart started to hurt.
My stomach was gurgling, forcing its content out.
But I held it in, because I knew vomiting would make everything useless.
Then, I saw the light.

You could say that it looked something like this.
And I know it's time for me to leave this world.
Suddenly I remembered.
I haven't say goodbye.
I haven't done the things that I wanted to do.
I haven't lived my life.
But I knew it was too late.
I regretted everything.
I wanted to scream.
I forced myself to did what I restrained my body : vomit.
But nothing came out.
I couldn't move.
I was paralysed.
And my body shut down.
I am dead, inside and out.




 Or so I thought.
I was found by my friends, brought to the hospital, and had my stomach pumped.
But because of that one attempt, half of my liver was removed, and my kidneys were damaged.
But I got help, and am now recovering."



Suicide is the third leading cause of death amongst youth aged 15-24 years old.
If you had ever tried committing suicide or considered doing it, seek help.
Don't think that it's not that big of a deal, because it is.
If your friend ever talked about committing suicide, talk to her.
You may be saving her life.
If you and/or your friend is depressed, or show signs of depression, do something.
It's always hard to admit it.
But there's a possibility that the person standing beside you is depressed.
15% of the population suffers from clinical depression some time in their life.

 When one of the tens of thousands of the fireworks of life burnt you, know that there's a cure for that burn.
If you feel like you can't take it, share it with someone.
If you feel like it's too much to handle, let someone else help you handle it.
Please remember that with your death, comes sadness and emptiness in someone's heart.
Don't think no one cares.
Someone cares.
I care.

I know that behind the smile lies a pain that you think no one understands.
But trust me, someone will understand you.
And if you feel like you haven't found that someone, hold on.
Hold on until you find that someone and can hand him/her the torch that you've been holding on to so that that someone will hold on to it for you.

10/9. World Suicide Prevention Day.
If you need help, contact your local emotional support group.
They will be there for you no matter what.




I wished they would've told me the truth about your death earlier.
I wished you would've known better.
What am I supposed to do now?
Cry? Weep?
Why were you that stupid?
Why didn't you tell me anything?
You held my hand through those times.
Why didn't you give me a chance to hold your hand?
To tell you that everything's gonna be okay?
To tell you what you told me when I committed suicide?
Why didn't you give me a chance to tell you that it's a stupid, foolish, selfish thing to do?
Why?
Your mum reads my blog.

Friday, September 9, 2011

My thoughts.

痛苦, 因为自己准;
受伤, 因为爱;
爱情样, 因为期望改变成为喜欢子.

This is meaningful, no?
And I personally think not only does it applies to love, it applies to friendship too.


I understand what you said.
But I'm not ready.
Not for love, not for a new friend.
*Breathes out*
I guess what I faced few weeks ago made me reject everything all over again, huh?

And here I am.
Still smiling.
Though my heart is begging me to cry it all out.
I need someone to call me and I'm sure I'll go waaaahhhh LOL.





Your mum reads my blog.
I knew what it meant when you went quiet the other day.
I'm so sorry.
But I can't accept you in my life.
Not now, anyways.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

That fear.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, talented, gorgeous, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world... As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

A quote by the famous Nelson Mandela. Actually it's from Marriane Williamson, but it was made famous by Nelson Mandela.
Memorized it by heart, so do point it out if there's any mistakes anywhere :)

I think everyone have this fear, this consignment from succeeding.
And only when you liberate this fear will you succeed.
But it's not that easy though.
What you need is enough confidence to say "I can" instead of "I can't".
And what people don't have nowadays is exactly that.
People lack self confidence, and I don't know why.
I mean, why is it that it seems like more and more students in my school are walking with their head down.
Is there a devil on your head, making it heavy to lift up?
Or are you scared of facing the faces of the world?

Cut my hair.
It's funny cause I really don't care what my hair looks like, but people always force me to care.
Duh~ I never ever comb my hair LOL.
Why use your hair as a reason to discriminate yourself?
"My hair's too short, my hair's too dark, my hair's too curly."
Puh-lease.
Short hair, dark hair and curly hair can be pretty too.
Why let people define you by how you look?



Your mum reads my blog.
Oh wait.
One more day before the weekend!
Yay!
My precious sleep haha :D

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I need a new haircut!

Cause my hair is as long as it could be :(
Cut it back to something like this, maybe?
Hmmm....
Or just cut a straight line across (haha kiam siap me :D)



Your mum reads my blog.
Avoiding all the discipline teachers!
*wondering out loud* maybe I should ask them to cut my hair for me?
*winks*

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

21 more to go!

"Lynnie, how was your chemistry test today?
"Dunno."
"What you mean dunno?"
"I mean, see my results ah, if results good, then the chem test was easy, if it's not, then it was hard."
:D


Your mum reads my blog.
Walau eh what's wrong with me going online?
You beh shiok isit?
I know you busy studying lah but don't go and judge people who don't study just cause you do.
How did you know I'm always online anyways???
Oh wait. I remembered. Because yesterday you were online.
How I know? Because I saw you onlining.
Eff you hypocritical biatch.
Screw off.

Monday, September 5, 2011

After a month of fasting.

It's finally Raya!
YAY!
Mm and I.

Mm and Go.

Go and I.
We headed out (starving!) at around 1 cause go didn't wanna wake up!
Laobeh!

We go to the same place every year LOL.
Obek's house.

Balqis and I.

And the attraction of the day... FOOD!
Nasi Impit.

Red chicken, rendang beef, chicken serunding, lamb kurma, chicken rendang and rice!
LOL was busy eating so didn't take a lot of pictures.
Plus when I finish eating another family will go and eat so kinda rude right if I say "stop! let me take picts first" So... :D

Kak Nonie and I.

Haha my face here reminds me of a certain blogger...

Syaza, Kak Nonie and I.
Wth everyone was wearing purple and pink so sad I'm the only with the earthy tone.

Bang and I.
Our family so tak sekata everyone wear different colour haha.

Everyone was either talking or...

Eating!!! Haha look at go menunjuk his iPad. Oh wait. It's MY iPad.

This is what I call kecomelan yang tak terhingga.
Ain't she cute!!!!
She's 6 months old nia but she can crawl and goo goo ga ga d!!!

 And she's the best baby ever I can hold her forever she also won't cry (though she looks like she's gonna cry here).
ARGH I miss her d!!

My exhausted face.
Headed to Kak Yati's house for dinner.
ARGH I didn't take any pictures. *sobs*


Your mum reads my blog.
2 paper down, 22 papers to go!
I think lah I didn't go and count pun LOL.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Time's up, people!

The Raya holidays are over.
And that means, SCHOOL!
And it also means the end of study time for all those peeps who spent their hols studying (not me, for sure :D)
Walau-eh I'm still not over my Raya mood and tomorrow's our trial!
Like, www.wtf.com
Wish me luck! (Not that it would do me any good haha)

Oh oh oh oh.
Prettyyyy???
24K gold and real what-do-they-call-this-shape diamond.
Haha saja put this up to make some people *coughs**coughs* envious.
I had to wear this one cause the other one can't fit into my finger!
My fingers are bloated!!
Oh do ignore the awful wrinkles in my hand.
I know, I know, so not like 17-year-old punya hand, right?
But someone said it's sexy.
It's the element that makes me, me.
LOL.


Your mum reads my blog.
I AM sarcastic, aren't I?
Oh well.
Live with it lah~

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Out with mm.

Went to 1st Ave. for dinner with mm yesterday.

Had Sushi Kin ♥

Talked to mm (as if we never talk LOL) about lots of stuff.
It's always fun to go out with mm without bang and go lingering around.
Mm never do big smile wan...
 She always give that subtle subtle comel smile.
But I'm sure if she smiles wide she'll look even more like me haha.

Had my all-time fave, Cupbon!
Thank god it's now in Penang.
If not I always have to go to KL to get one of these...

Honeydew is ♥.
I actually don't understand why people would like Cha-time so much.
There was this long queue when I walked through that place.
I think it's kinda expensive.
I mean, 5.90 for a milk tea? Puh-lease I can get it for 4.00 at Cupbon!!

Haha.
Mm was busy filling out the forms to enter the comp.
We had, like, 40+ forms.
Cause we spent more than 6k at 1st Ave :P

Oh btw QY if you're reading this this is my idea for our dance clothes.
But with jeans :D

Oh oh oh.
Long time didn't go to salon d my hair kinda thick haha.
The kiam siap me always cut my own hair.
Sometimes until senget sebelah haha.


Your mum reads my blog.
Err...
History first day ah?
Serious?
Pfft.