Sunday, July 29, 2012

Pinkies.

Here's a smile from me to you guys. Take it as a gesture of thanks for being concerned about me. For being the usual worrywarts that you guys are, e-mailing me, Facebook-ing me, PM-ing me, text-ing me... Sorry about the fairly random (welllll actually it's not that much of a random thing, if you knew what was happening) emotional posts these few days. *pinky promises* I promise I'll be the happiest me ever from now on :)

I just came back from KL last night. So I'm still a bit tired. Wait. That's a lie. I'm still a bit lazy. But do expect a steady stream of posts after this. :D Oh well. Random postings again.





Your mum reads my blog.
Don't you see?

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The end.

"Today I died twice. As I sit here on the ledge, looking down at the crowd walking about,  I can't help but wonder if any of them are sharing the same pain I am. The pool no longer help. Cutting no longer help. What could I do? What should I do?

I'm saying the wrong things. Making the wrong decisions. Planting the wrong ideas. I'm sitting here, a step away from ending my life, clutching my phone and apologizing a thousand times. No one's listening though. To my cries. To my screams. To my apologies.

So what's the point then? Of living? Of moving forward? My heart hurts so bad. It hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. I want to end it. I have to end it."




Your mum reads my blog.
It ends tonight.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Let it be me.


Do you remember the first time I broke down and you gave me half your ear bud and made me listen to this song? When you started singing along with this song for me? When I was so touched I broke down again? When we knew from then on we had each other to lean on?

I know it's inevitable. Us drifting away from each other. But I didn't know it'd be this sudden, this soon. What happened to us? The friends that we were? The promise we made to each other? You asked me if I still want us to be friends. And all I could answer is "I don't know". Because I really don't. I thought about it. About why we stopped talking to each other. I think the starting point was when I complained about the rotten cookies and how if that someone and I are great friends like we are he would've bought me decent Famous Amos cookies. And you went "Are we? Great friends? Cause it seems like you're better off calling him your great friend than me." That was it, wasn't it? The breaking point of our friendship.

We were walking on a thread. A thread that's pulled so tightly at its ends it's bound to break and we'd fall into the emptiness below. I can't say it's my fault; nor could I say it's yours. I wish we could talk. Decently. Without having these feelings of frustration. That would only lead to us lashing out on each other... Which is the last thing I want. And blog posts are the only way I could 'talk' to you right now.

I remember you asking me what's with me and my obsession of putting pictures in my posts. I hope you remember why. And yes, the previous post was meant for you too. "I need someone." "Well, Lynnie, you just earned yourself a special someone."





Your mum reads my blog.
No place to stand.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Surreal.

“Memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they're also what tear you apart.”  - Haruki Murakami


Walking through ToysRUs the other day made me realize how true that quote isHow much the memories made are eventually what could tear us apart. I tried. To not think about the lost friendship. To not wonder what losing the friendship would mean to me. I thought I'm over it. That I don't quite care if my calls were unanswered, texts unreturned. That I don't mind letting go of our 8 (or more) years of friendship.

But the moment I stepped into the toy store (which, ironically, is filled with all these toys that's supposed to make you cheerful), all the memories just came woosh!-ing into my brain. How that friend of mine used to tease me for liking Barbies. How that same friend used to always chase me around the store with a toy hammer and hit me on the head with it. How we'd put on hats and masks and tiaras and take stupid pictures and deleting it afterwards (in case one of us ever become someone important in politics). How I love playing with the fake babies and that friend of mine would go "Lynnie, stop embarrassing me!"

It's unfair, really. How things work. That person cuts you off without a word, leaving you to come to terms with what's happening. And when you go to a place you both frequented with someone else, trying to make new memories, you can't help but think of the old memories, thus preventing you from actually making new, fun memories with the other person.

It took me about 15 secs and 3 "whats?" to snap out of that gush of memory and face reality. To concentrate on what's present, and not weep over the past. Can I point a middle finger at that old friend of mine and go "For god's sake, why are you messing up my life??? Why are you making the present moment awkward for me???" I'm pretty sure if that friend of mine read this, the answer would be "You're the one who's not letting go of our friendship". :(

A happy picture. Cause this post is making me crazily and weirdly emotional. Which isn't good. So, :D. There. A kiss and a smile for you guys.





Your mum reads my blog.
Give me an ultimatum.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Pretentious.

If I'm pretentious, then you're the most fake person I've ever met.

Don't judge me. Seriously. I laugh out loud, speak loud, walk in a hopping stride, smile so brightly because I CAN. Because I don't give a damn what people say about me. Because I think life's too short for me to worry if my laugh is going to make guys stay away from me.

You obviously don't know who I am. I mean, for you to say I'm pretentious is like me saying you are worthless. I don't know you, so I don't have the right to do so. Neither do you. I am who I am. I don't do what I'm doing just to impress others. Or to attract someone else's attention.

If you can't accept the way I am, leave. Turn around when you see me at the mall. Close the browser when you come across my blog. Unfriend me from Facebook. Delete my number from your phone. I just realized how life is so precious you aren't worth my time. Heck, even this post is a waste of time. But I write it just so you'd know that I have ears. And eyes. Everywhere. 

We left school 8 months ago. What's the point of you badmouthing me? Grow up. I'm not even in your life anymore. You could stay on wherever you are, doing whatever it is you're doing. It no longer bothers me. So why does me doing what I do bother you? Am I that prominent of a figure in your life that you can't just ignore me?

I recently learned to 'delete' whatever it is that's bothering me. To not let it bother me. To ignore it until it goes away by itself. Or maybe to try to solve it so it won't spread like a disease would. So yeah, this post is me trying to stop whatever's happening and also a step in me deleting it.

Oh wait. I'm no longer mad. I no longer care. I no longer want to punch someone in the face. Ah. File deleted. Who knew satisfaction could come just by typing a few paragraphs? :D





Your mum reads my blog.
I'm granting you one last choice.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

*Inserts a random title here*

I wouldn't mind. If I have to be the one holding the umbrella when it rains over whoever I'm with and I. If I have to be the strong one in a relationship friendship. If I have to be the listener. If I have to put up with people's unexpected behaviors. Heck, I don't even mind if I have to put aside my happiness just so someone could be happy.

But what I do mind is when people think I'm doing it 'pro bono'. I mean, imagine I'm a lawyer and all these people I'm standing up for, all these people who're holding on to me and my support for them are my clients. And that whenever I do these things they consider it to be 'pro bono'. Once, twice, thrice, not a problem. But things would start to wear me out after a while.

Don't get me wrong. I don't expect a form of payment/compensation. I don't really expect anything. But after years of being a 'psychologist', there comes a time when I want someone to be my rock. For someone to listen to me saying "goddamnit I have nothing to complain about but today I'm gonna complain about how my room is so messy and I'm so lazy to clean it." Actually come to think of it I rarely have problems in my life so *shrugs* I don't really need a rock. BUT what I need is someone to ask me (sincerely) if I'm okay. And I'd be able to tell them I'm fine and at least FEEL like someone cared.

Random titles. Random posts. Random thoughts. That's what my mind is filled with these days. Being Internet-less for a week rendered me incapable of writing a decent blog post. Sorry peeps!





Your mum reads my blog.
I really never imagined we'd end up like this.

Friday, July 6, 2012

What can I do with Sony Cyber-shot WX100 in my daily life?

I love my DSLR. I'm currently using Sony's A55, and it's a very great camera. So far, no problem using it. But as a constant selca-er (that's self capture-er, if you don't get the lingo :P), trying to selca with a DSLR is a hassle. I mean, first of all, balancing it with one hand sucks. Plus, if you are like me, and has a tad bit of Carpal Tunnel's, you'd know how much it hurts to take a picture like the one I did above.

Also, a DSLR is a hassle to carry. I mean, usually, DSLR users are guys, so it's kinda cool for them to be lugging around a camera bag. But imagine us girls doing so! I'm not really a handbag user, but surely using a camera bag is out of line even for people like me who don't follow fashion ;) I carry it around in my backpack all the time, but the space it occupies... Urgh.

Which leads me to my third 'complaint' about using DSLRs : the weight. My A55 is very light. I can vouch for that. Compared to my previous one, the Canon 1000D, though this is better, and is much much more functional, it weighs almost the same (heck, sometimes it even feels lighter). And I've handled everyone else's DSLR and theirs are heavier. But still, it's heavy.

And the worst thing about carrying a DSLR is : the fact that we're carrying one! Say, I go to a party, and I'm carrying a DSLR, there's literally 0% chance of me to self-capture. I'd instantly be the 'official photographer'. That's unfair, don't you think? Just cause I'm carrying a professional camera doesn't mean that I'd be happy to be your photographer!

Which leads me to the main point of this post, which is what I can do with a Sony Cyber-shot WX100 in my daily life.

A) I can SELCA! Without having to take 1000 pictures with 899 of them blurry cause of my shaky hands. A digital camera is the perfect companion for selca-loving people like me XD I read that the WX100 is only 17.5mm thick! Which is surprising, considering it's 10x optical zoom. No more Carpal Tunnel pain while selca-ing! XD

B) I can carry a camera around! Because of the hassle of carrying a DSLR, I usually just leave it hanging around the house, and if I'm out and about and see things that I feel like capturing, I'd go all 'I wish I have a digital camera so that I can capture this moment'. Plus, with the WX100 weighing only 108g, there's no longer the back pain that comes with carrying around a heavy DSLR!

C) I can now take pictures discreetly! Without having people going all "Lynnie take my pict with your DSLR". I mean, who's gonna go "Lynnie, take my pict with your digital camera", right? *crosses fingers*

So, those are the things that I can do with a Sony Cyber-shot WX100 in my daily life.





Your mum reads my blog.
Ecstasy.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Release.

I really do believe you have to let someone go if you really love them. Because at the end of the day, if their love towards you is as much as it is like yours towards theirs, they'd come back running, begging you to take them back :)

Holding something tightly would only suffocate them, making the love that someone has towards you wither, and die. I know it's hard, but let someone go, and you yourself will see how much that someone actually means to you.





Your mum reads my blog.
Not much time.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Sarcasm.

What's with the proportions of my picture? It's going crazyyy! LOL. I didn't even realize my pictures aren't proportionate until I uploaded them. Turns out someone (most probably Go) changed my DSLR's settings. Pfft. Anyways, do expect some proportionally weird pictures in these few posts.

So today I'm gonna talk about being sarcastic. I am a sarcastic person. I admit that. Most probably got my sarcasm skills from mm, who's one of the most sarcastic person I've ever seen. I'm sarcastic around friends, around my family.

Anyways, I recently found out that people always misinterpret my sarcasm! Two common misinterpretations : being flirtatious and being mean. I never knew sarcasm could sound like flirting until a friend of mine pointed it out the other day. "Lynnie, you do know you were flirting with him, right?" And I was like, NO! I was being sarcastic! Turns out it looked like I was flirting. Urgh. Next time I'm being sarcastic I'm not gonna do so in front of a guy. LOL!

Being mean. That's like, so not me. I'm never mean. Okay, I'm lying. My sarcasm is the mean type, sometimes there're insults, and sometimes it's said in a way that makes it sound like I'm being horribly mean. This interpretation is usually made if the conversation is happening through the phone. Because whenever I'm being sarcastic I have this look in my face (at least that's what my friends say, anyways) so people would know I'm being sarcastic. But when we chat through the phone, I'm being mean XD

I do know when NOT to be sarcastic, though. Unlike some people. If you know what I mean ;) And I'd say I've observed enough to know who can handle sarcasm and who would be insulted by it. So, I'd usually go with the flow. I wouldn't want to be accused of insulting someone when I was meaning to have fun and take matters lightly.

Rants again. Thought about doing a review, but... laziness took over. I'm using my laptop right now, so things are lagging. Even resizing pictures takes longer than usual, so that kinda dampened my mood. At least I'll get a longer time to use the product, no?




Your mum reads my blog.
What have you done?

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Youths ahoy!

Calling all the Malaysian youths out there! What if I tell you there's a (legal) way for you to get together with other youths, have a blast, participate in events and meet new people without having your parents to go all 'Are you going to another party again!!!'? What is it, you ask? It's Youth Jam, of course!

This event used to be exclusively for Penangites only, but this year, they've expanded to KL and Ipoh! With various events like blogger competitions, photography competitions, DJ competitions, bazaars, and K-POP idol competitions, you are sure to be entertained throughout the whole day. These projects consists of mainly four different educational divisions - entrepreneurship, IT, sports and creative arts.

Details? Check out the poster below!

Youth Jam Penang will be held on 7th July 2012 at Penang Times Square; Ipoh : 8th July 2012, AEON Kinta; KL :  16th Sept 2012, Sunway Pyramid. For more details on the events and/or how to be a part of the Jam, do check out www.youthstoday.com!

Of course, one would never forget to post a picture of herself, just to remind you guys (and gals) of the girlfriend prospects you guys could meet when you go to Youth Jam. Hot girls, cute guys, fun events, what more could we ask for, right?

I'm gonna be handling an event during Youth Jam Penang, it's called Books For Thought. It's an event where youths get to donate their old books in exchange for coupons, etc. If you are in Penang this Saturday, do head to Penang Times Square and give me a holla! :)




Your mum reads my blog.
Close to tears.