Thursday, May 30, 2013

Crossroads.

Crossroads. A point at which a crucial decision must be made that will have far-reaching consequences.

I've been in a few crossroads in my life. Not big ones, but ones that ultimately had a huge impact on me now.

There were a few times when I had to decide in whether or not I would want to continue being friends who's draining me emotionally or release myself from the burden. Now, I'm not saying I'm this very selfish friend who runs away the moment someone pours her heart out to me, but what it is is that I'm very... vulnerable. And according to my friend, too 'pure'. Pure in that sense where I think the world is this wonderful fairyland where no one would be mean enough to hurt your heart. I'm so vulnerable and pure that people would use me and... just betray me, I guess. I still am vulnerable and pure, but maybe a bit more cautious.

Then there's that time when I had to decide whether or not to allow myself to love, to be loved. This was a decision I pondered on for long. Ever since I was in high school, when people around me started to date, I never really felt the need to. Truth is, I didn't wanna end up like how most of my friends did, all broken-hearted. But I don't know why things changed when I came to uni. Maybe peer pressure is getting into me. Maybe I'm lonely and need someone. Or maybe I know I'm ready to face the possibilities of ending up with a broken heart (le monsieur will kill me if he reads this teehee).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been in crossroads, but I've never ever regretted the path I took. I thought about it, the pros and cons, and I made the decision, and I ended up here, being who I am. Maybe things would be different if I've made a different choice, and yes, I've wondered, but thing is, I've really trully never regretted. I may end up friendless, I may end up with a broken heart, but hey, I would end up knowing that I made a decision and stuck by it, no?

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Just a side profile of me... Because I love posting pictures of myself :P I know you still love my blog ;)




Your mum reads my blog.
20 years and more?

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Broken promises.

"When I say 'I won't hurt you', it's a promise, which can and will be kept but it does not come from me without a breakdown of what it means. It does not mean we will never disagree, nor does it mean you will always like everything which I say or do. It does not mean that you will never hurt yourself by behaving in a way which is damaging to a relationship or by behaving in a way which would ultimately result in my withdrawal from your life. What it does mean is that I can promise all that I expect in terms of loyalty, honor and respect. It means I am faithful. It also means that I will not intentionally or carelessly behave which causes upset or doubt. It means, at the lowest level, 'You will break these terms before I do'. Communication is essential. Trust is paramount. Be completely honest and don't make promises that you can't keep, that's all."

I don't want anything, I want everything. I am selfish in a way, selfless in so many others. I am sorry.



Your mum reads my blog.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Zoned out.

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Ah. Have been listening to songs and zoning out all day. Nothing much to do lol. Went to campus for a meeting, which lasted for like 10 minutes. It was more like a briefing, really. Wanted to do one of my assignments but ended up procrastinating and browsing this site for like 4 hours :P But hey, I gained a lot of knowledge! The site was a site on top ten lists, which was quite interesting.

It's nice though. The fact that I'm able to sit there, spending time for myself, doing nothing. I got to spend the weekend with mm and my brothers, which was great. Shopped quite a lot and felt bad :P But didn't shop on unnecessary stuffs. All those things I bought I really needed haha.

Classes starts tomorrow! Soooo lazy to go to class after such a long weekend :/ Oh well. Tomorrow's quite packed for me, classes from 8-12, have to settle my internship things after that, and I have a video shooting for my scholarship at 4... Wednesday's almost the same... Training for campus ambassador, video shooting for Open Day, classes til 5... Oh well. I'd better enjoy the sleep I'm gonna have today.

I reread my post and noticed that it's straying off topic. Lol. Don't really have much to say. Am talking to le monsieur on the phone now, and (secretly) blogging. Naah he knows he's on speakerphone :P Anyways... I'm gonna keep talking to him til either me (or him) falls asleep. So, nightie nightie, readers!



Your mum reads my blog.
Caught me by surprise.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Worry

John Ortberg once said that worrisome thoughts reproduce faster than rabbits, so one of the most powerful way to stop the spiral of worry is to disclose his worry to a friend. So... here I am, disclosing my worry to you.

I don't get it, sometimes, when people make other people worried. I get it if you're you know, throwing a tantrum and just feeling like ignoring someone and cause that kind of worry... But when you cause someone to worry about you because you aren't home yet, because you didn't answer your call, because you didn't tell anyone where you're at, then it's really senseless.

I mean, in this modern age, everyone have a phone. You really don't have to spend much time (or money) to tell someone where you're at or what you're doing. Hey, if I can do it with mm even though I'm staying four hours away, I'm sure there's no reason for you not to.

What I'm trying to say is that worrying causes a lot of stress, so do not stress other people out. Teenagers, don't let your parents worry about you. Boyfriends, don't let your girlfriends worry about you. It's just sad. And heart-wrenching. And just plain irresponsible. Especially if the only reason you can come up with is "my phone died".

Anyways, this is just a rant, really. Happy weekend everyone! :D


Your mum reads my blog.
Fly away.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Public declaration?

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I have never been a very public person. Even with this blog, there are elements in my life that I keep to myself, preferring to tell people who is really close to me than to shout it out to the world. There have never been a need for me to do anything; be it to say that I got good results; or to say that I'm in a relationship. I've never felt compelled to publicly declare things like this cause I just feel like it's a tad redundant.

I know it's kinda ironic for me to being saying this since I have a blog but if you really read it, you'd know that the only thing that I showcase a lot in this blog of mine is... my personality. And pictures of myself. Even pictures of my friends, I only post with their permissions. I rarely write about what I eat, where I went, etc cause I just am not talented in it, I guess. It just don't come naturally to me.

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Anyways, I posted this picture up on Facebook two days ago with the quote "The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter." and tagged le monsieur to the picture. The funniest thing is le monsieur, in all his astonishment, asked me in his phone call why I posted the picture up. Lol. It's really rare for me to post pictures like this, really. And a lot of my high school friends don't even know I'm in a relationship, so I guess it's a surprise to people too.

But thing is... I wasn't posting this up to boast about my relationship. I did it as a sign of appreciation towards le monsieur for writing me the 'love letter' (I can't even actually call it a love letter cause it's short and... unletter-ish). But I've been asking him to write me one just for the fun of it LOL and he finally did it! Yay! So I was like hmmm... why not post it up so that people can tease him about it? And people did! :P Poor him LOL

I don't even know why I'm writing all this. I'm still at campus, with nothing to do but just me being too lazy to walk home :P Oh well. I guess I should head back home now, no? Or maybe grab a bite first. So excited to see mm and my brothers tomorrow! *waves hands around* *dances crazy dance*

Happy long weekend (for Malaysians) everyone!




Your mum reads my blog.
I want you close.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Changes.

It's almost June. Half a year went by just like that. Wow. Lots of things have happened to me in these past few months. I've finished a term, started a new term, went back to Penang, was chosen as the campus ambassador, am now one of the organizing committee for two major events, I've worked my ass out... I've laughed, I've cried, gained friends, lose friends, I've lived my life as full as I can. I've changed quite a lot. I'm much much more active, much much more recognized (in a way) and also much much more hardworking.

Oh wait. That's actually a lie. The last part. I admit. There're a lot of times when laziness took over and I'm rendered incapable of doing anything but sleep. I think everyone knows how much of a procrastinator I am... Well I still am. It has been in my new year's resolution for 3, 4 years? But now I find that it's okay to procrastinate as long as you get things done.

But one of the biggest changes that everyone can see is...
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My hair! LOL. Excuse my excitement but I haven't had long hair since I was 9 so... This is really cool! The fact that I can tie it into a bun, I mean... I've been trying for soooo very long that it's ridiculous and everyone thinks so but no one tells me haha. I'm surprised it could stay in its form so perfectly and nicely without me having to use a net. A bit messy, but that's what makes it interesting, no?

I'm also a tad skinnier. LOL. Okay, okay, maybe less than a tad. But I've been walking more, and me working also means me exercising... My friends said I look skinnier but I'm not really sure about that. I feel skinnier but that's most probably cause all my pants and shirts are expanding after all the wear and tear :P

Anyways... Just wanted to rant cause I've got nothing better to do and I love ranting. Haha. Have a happy Tuesday everyone! And good luck in life!



Your mum reads my blog.
Pretending you're here.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Who are you?

"It's hard to save the world when you can't save yourself."

I found out a couple of days ago how true it is. How I have no power to make this world a better place when I can't even turn myself into a better person. I sat there, in silence, with my playlist playing, and thought about the negative things that I am, and decided to list them down. Here's a few that I feel like sharing (there's some that too private for me to share so... :D)

I am selfish.
This is a little known fact about me. People always think I have this kind soul and am a selfless person. Truth is, I'm that much of a fishmonger. I sell fishes. I am not selfish in that sense where I won't help a person in need, but in that sense where if it is detrimental to me, I won't do it. Matters of the heart, especially, is something that I'm selfish about. I am selfish in that sense where I shelter my heart very very very strictly until the point where people get tired of getting through it and getting to know me.

I spend money. A lot.
This... is true. I always find myself ALMOST out of money by the end of every month. Thing is... I don't really spend that much money on clothes/shoes/bags/cosmetics (you know... the things that girls spend their money on). I spend my money on food... and that leads to bad thing #3...

I am a glutton.
Like, seriously. I love food. I love eating. I don't mind spending money on expensive food. I don't mind going far far away for food (le monsieur knows the best cause he's been driving me around... Poor him, I guess?). I eat when I'm hungry; I eat when I'm not. I love snacking. I love munching. I love drinking (juices and milk teas). But recently I find that my love for chocolate has been withering away... Something that I'm sad about but nowadays I can only stand certain kinds of chocolate.

I am an over-thinker.
I over-think things ALL the time. It's like a mental illness, really, me over-thinking. I think too much that it leads me to think of problems that weren't even there in the first place, and I'd get worried about it and then try to 'fix' things that's not even broken. I also care a lot about what people think of me, not in the how-do-I-look-like kind of way, but more to the how-will-they-think-if-I-do-this kind of way...

Oh well. I think this is more than enough. List more and you'd start hating me :P LOL. What about you? What are the things that you hate about yourself and feel like changing?




Your mum reads my blog.
That long, winding road.

Friday, May 17, 2013

In search of beauty.

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Being beautiful is I think something most girls would like to achieve. We buy the best skincare, use the most expensive makeup, curl our hair, straighten our hair, have plastic surgery,... All of this things we do to look beautiful.

But ultimately, beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder. You could say that someone's ugly but someone else may think that person is the most beautiful person. You can do whatever it is that you like but if you're never happy and confident enough then no matter what you do you'd still feel like you're ugly. Even when you stare into the mirror and a beautiful reflection is looking back at you you'd think the reflection is ugly.

Sorry for the long absence. Have been quite busy, juggling work and classes. I'm also helping out with a camp organized by my school and am also a organizing committee for a scholarship presentation award ceremony so yeah... all these things makes Lynnie a busy young lady!

Oh and btw, no I don't curl my hair. I have them for fun but my hair's not long enough to be curled. Plus, my hair never really hold curls well :/



Your mum reads my blog.
I remember you well.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Despair.

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"Lynnie, what will you do when you are in complete despair over something? When hopelessness takes over and you can no longer hold on?"

I have no answer to that. What would you guys do? When you are in a situation where it's impossible for you to not have the absence of hope?





Your mum reads my blog.
I'll be yours in another world.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Nightmares.

"Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer - both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams." - Bram Stoker, Dracula





Your mum reads my blog.
Better than I knew.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Mary Kay 'One Woman Can' Beauty Contest

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Anyone here fancy an all-expense paid, 4 Days 3 Nights trip to Hong Kong, a training session by Asia's Top Model and also a chance to become the next Mary Kay cover girl in Asia? Well, here's your chance to win exactly that!

Mary Kay is one of the world's most renowned direct selling beauty brand. In fact, Mary Kay products are sold in more than 35 markets worldwide, and it's global independent sales force exceeds 2 million! Talk about awesomeness!

There's 4 stages in this competition, the entry stage, the voting stage, the selection stage, and the finale stage. To enter this competition, you will have to have a makeover done by an Independent Beauty Consultant that you can find here. But before you have your makeover done, take a 'Before' picture! Then, post both your 'Before' and 'After' pictures and upload them to Mary Kay's site here. After that, spread the word out and ask your friends and family to vote for you and you may well be on your way to Hong Kong!

Best of all, they're not only choosing one winner, they're choosing 5 winners to be flown to Hong Kong, in which one of them may have the chance to become the next Mary Kay cover girl in Asia.

So what are you waiting for? And in case you missed it, here's the link to the official contest website (http://makeovercontestmarykay.com/), and here's the link to Mary Kay Malaysia's official website (http://www.marykay.com.my/). 



Your mum reads my blog.
Beautiful people.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Distracted.

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It seems like there's a lot of distractions in my life lately. Take today, for example. I was supposed to go to Sunway Pyramid to shop for groceries. But I ended up going all the way to Central Market KL to eat at le monsieur's dad's restaurant. I won't really call it a distraction cause Sunway was too packed for my liking and I was excited to go eat some Thai food but the point is I ended up not buying my groceries :P

Even in class, I'm always distracted. Part of it is because I can't for the life of me concentrate in class. The windows always portray a very pretty scenery when my lecturer's yapping teaching. I'm not a bad student, really. I'm just... lazy.

Anyways, tomorrow's gonna be my first day working. This is like my first time officially working! I mean, I usually volunteer and other times, the 'work' I do is usually the ones that're in my comfort zone (like at campus, etc). So this is gonna be a breath of fresh air. At least instead of wasting money walking around looking for enjoyment I can spend my time and earn money! I guess.

A lot of people have been asking me why I chose to work. The reason is not just the money... It's the experience. I'll be interning at Mandarin Oriental at the end of August, so I guess this will actually prepare me for my internship period... Which will be harder than going to classes. I'm excited for my internship! And so you can consider me working as me doing my prep.

Ah. See. I'm distracted again. Wanted to talk about distractions and ended up swaying to me working. I'm SO EXCITED! LOL. Don't know why. Can't even sleep. And it's already 10.30. Oh well. I guess I'll apply my face mask, turn on some very nice, non-distracting music and head to bed...



Your mum reads my blog.
We see each other differently.