Saturday, January 25, 2014

In Love.


Today all this suddenly feels like falling in love, all over again, for the first time.
Have you ever felt that way?
That time when you're falling in love with everything and everyone in your life and for that moment, you don't care if this will hurt you, or if this will lead to a path of destruction.
You don't care where falling in love so blindly will lead; you just care for the fact that you're falling, and you know you're going to fall hard.

All you want to do is hug everyone you meet; to spread the happiness that you're feeling.
You feel like you're floating in the clouds, and even when you're alone, in the library, you feel like standing up and doing a crazy dance.
You smile to everyone you meet, you try to make friends with people who weren't your friends anymore.
You can't wait to see your old flame because you want to see him basking in the happiness of finally finding the right person for himself.

You laugh out loud in class, for no reason, because the only thing in your mind is the happy times you had and the happy times you're going to have.
You don't mind being alone because you know that being alone means having time for yourself, and to completely envelop yourself in this happiness you're feeling.
You're high, in that sense, flirting with every guy you meet, battering your eyelashes at them seductively, because you know you can.
You joke with every girl you meet, and you hope they will end up finding their prince charming every time you wish them good luck.
You have dirty, kinky thoughts, because you're naturally kinkier than everyone else and you're embracing it.

You look at everyone around you playing with their laptops and you wonder if they can sense this feeling you're feeling; if they realize that there's someone around them who's completely contented with her life.

You feel like kissing someone, to cuddle with someone, and you call that someone you feel like doing it to, and he laughed, and said :
"You're either drunk, high or crazy."
You laughed at the absurdity of the fact that you just told your crush you have a crush on him, and the fact that he brushed it away so nonchalantly, as if that three months of you having a crush on him means nothing.

You feel like falling in love with someone, deep and hard, until a point where you cannot fall anymore.
You feel like letting someone experiencing your love, to know how it feels like to be loved unconditionally.

You feel like asking the world to turn the lights out so that you will not be judged by how you look now, what race you are, your religion, your height, because, the truth is, we're all human.

You realize time is running out for you, and you only have this life to live, so you're trying really, really hard to make the most out of it.

You have your headphones on, and the song you're listening to is about loving and hugging and kissing and living life. And you're dancing, moving your body, waving your arms around, snapping your fingers, and everyone else is staring and you don't give a damn about them.

You know that, ultimately, it is your life you're living, and as long as you're happy, and is in love with life, in love with yourself, in love with everyone and everything around you, who cares if you're dancing alone on a Saturday evening like that crazy human being that you are?

Friday, January 24, 2014

Million Dollar Woman.

So the other day I changed my Whatsapp status to "I'm a million dollar woman." And a lot of people sort of asked me about it. This was one of them where I managed to screenshot because nothing incriminating is on it hahahahaha.

Anyways, him and I talked about this whole million dollar woman thing. About having self-confidence, self-worth, and everything else you need to possess in order to become a million dollar woman. "Are you one?" He asked me in a mocking tone, teasing me, wanting me to reciprocate, thinking that I will. "Am I one?" was my answer to his question. We sort of went silent for 5 minutes before he said, softly, as if those words will kill his ego, "You are."

Now, to you guys, it may be a small feat but to me it's not! He's a guy with a hugely inflated ego, and he thinks I'm this childish, young person who knows nothing about life. He is at that position where I have to regard him as a boss, as much as I didn't want to; and so whenever he's around me our conversations are thoughts-challenging, ideas-provoking, flirtatious, even.

I look up to him, so when he said that, I was elated. Actually, I was in disbelief. And I bugged him to tell me why... How I handle myself after the breakup, the way I picked myself up, how other people would've acted differently if they were in my shoes, how confident and poised I am now. I was shooting his every reason down, not because I don't think I'm not a million dollar woman, but I just feel like I'm not... there yet.

"You walk into a room, and trust me, you turn heads. You might not think you do it, but that air of yours, that friendliness, that innocence, everyone's curious about it, and everyone wants to approach you. Guys want to make you happy, sweep you off your feet, make you feel like the million dollar woman that you are. Girls are envious, but that sincere, unpretentious smile of yours forces them to be friends with you." That last sentence was his conclusion, and after hearing it, I laughed out loud.

"That laugh just turned you into a billion dollar woman."



Your mum reads my blog.
We're on fire.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Dialogue In The Dark

As I mentioned in the post yesterday, I went to an exhibition in Petrosains called Dialogue In The Dark. I first spotted this exhibition a few weeks ago but never had the time to go and on Tuesday he asked if I wanted to go and I went YESSSS! So what's Dialogue In The Dark? It's a exhibition where visitors are lead by blind guides through specially constructed dark rooms in which scent, sound, wind, temperature and texture convey the characteristics of daily environments - for example a park, a city, a boat cruise or a bar.

Dialogue in the Dark has been presented in more than 30 countries and 130 cities throughout the world since its opening in 1988. The one in Malaysia is its first ever, so I highly recommend everyone to visit this exhibition! The tour itself lasts about an hour, and is priced at RM25 for adults aged 18 and above.

At first I was skeptical. I mean... what can you experience out of an hour's walk through environments that you've already experienced in sight? But I was wrong. That one hour was... eye-opening. I know, it's ironic, but it really was! We were led through three environments : the forest, the streets and a cafe. 

When we were in the forest the floor was rough and filled with dirt, and when you reach out it's either empty space or leaves and branches. We had to 'cross' the hanging bridge (which was really scary), and we got to hear the 'waterfall'. The streets were much much cooler. We were led through a market where we had to make out vegetables and spices and fruits. And we had to avoid cars and guess the license plates of motorcycles. There was also an ATM machine! hahahaha. My other senses were really heightened, mainly my hearing and touch. Unlike him I was more sensitive towards the environment around me and managed to guess a lot of things correctly :P Except for pumpkin, because... I thought it was a pomelo wthhhh. Then the last part was the cafe, where we had to purchase food and drinks for RM5. I brought RM10, and sort of jokingly asked if they cheated me and gave me less change. :P

Then as we sat down and ate our guide told us about his life story. His name is Yus, and he lost his sight quite late in his life, slowly losing it when he stepped into his 20s. He managed to finish a diploma in culinary arts and degree in tourism management!!! But him losing his sight was expected, as it is hereditary. We spoke about the typical negative impressions Malaysians have on blind people, and how some blind people refuse to help themselves, relying on begging when there's jobs available for them.

It's really inspiring, listening to Yus' story and finding out more about the lives of the virtually-impaired community. It's times like this when I learn to appreciate life more than I am now, and where I learn lessons that I will carry throughout my life. To all you Malaysians out there, I really recommend for you to spend that RM25 to go and visit the exhibition. You won't be disappointed, trust me!



Your mum reads my blog.
Nothing scares me anymore.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Relying?

Yesterday I freaked out. Him and I went to this exhibition called "Dialogue In The Dark" in Petrosains. So basically we were in the dark for the whole hour we were in the exhibition. I'll talk about it another day, because for now, I'd like to talk about the fear that gripped me. I have this thing against darkness, fears, an insane mind combined with baseless fantasies... you know how it is. But that wasn't why I freaked out. 

I freaked out because throughout the whole hour, from when we first stepped into the world of darkness, until after our eyes settled into seeing the bright lights, I didn't let go of his hand. I was supposed to hold on to his shoulder (like how blind people walk in a group)... But for no reason I reached out and held his hand. And then when everything ended I was still holding his hand, and when I realized what happened, fear gripped me, and I let go of his hand straightaway.

It wasn't the after-fear of being through total darkness, it's the fact that for that hour, I relied on someone, I relied on him. And then when he had to leave, I didn't want to let him go. I put on a very happy facade of not minding that he's leaving, waving goodbye, but I ended up sitting by the fountain, shedding tears of confusion. And him being him, knew that something was wrong and actually tailed me to where I was sitting.

And I talked to him about that fear. And he laughed. And called me stupid. "Total freedom doesn't mean not relying on anyone, you dumbass. If you live your life alone, without anyone to catch you if you fall, without anyone to make you happy, without anyone to wipe your tears away, is that really total freedom? I don't know about you but to me having freedom means being able to do everything you want to do, not just alone, but with people whom you love and loves you, and be happy while doing it."

And as he wiped my tears away and I laughed and stick my tongue out and punched him in the arms, things don't seem to be that confusing anymore. As much as I can be happy on my own, I should be able to allow everyone around me to add to that happiness. And then there will be times when I'm scared, when I'm sad, and that's when everyone around me will play a part in helping me. And yesterday I realized that relying on someone is not a fault, it's a nature, and there's no need for me to be scared about it.



Your mum reads my blog.
Daylight's wasted.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"You're beautiful"

So someone *coughs* someone (okay, okay he's just someone *coughs*) gave me this as a Christmas present the other day. It's a chocolate that I still haven't eat because I'm currently having this weirdish fever/cough/cold... Yeah... Anyways, back to the point. In case any of you couldn't read what's written on the picture, on it, he wrote, "To the most beautiful woman in this world ~ Nurlynnie". *blushes* 

I don't even know why I'm writing this post. Most probably to... you know... go... "I'M BEAUTIFUL!!!" LOL. Okay. I'm going crazy. Hahahahahaha. I'm just happy. And determined to not let shit people like that management trainee in my hotel ruin my mere days left. I get it, I'm pretty, but I don't think I'm THAT pretty... At least not til the point where guys just get deeply infatuated with me and become all desperate. Urgh.

Anyways... I'm just ranting, really. Because who don't like to rant, right? And who don't like to want to think that they're the most beautiful woman, right? Though to tell you the truth I don't think I qualify as a woman... Not yet, at least. Maybe a girl. A lady. Okay, no, a girl, definitely. Definitely a girl. I should stop. I sound high. Goodbye, human beings!



Your mum reads my blog.
Because I'd wait a million years.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Hi!!!!

Hey everyone!!! Happy New Year! :D So if you're not a friend of mine in Facebook you'd be missing out on a lot of updates in my life (I think... unless you stalk me somewhere). Ever since what happened almost two months ago my life had turned for the better (surprisingly). After my birthday everything was steadily going downhill and now it's up, up and away! I hope it stays so :P

Anyways, I'm now working (a full-time job but I'm labelled as 'casual') in the hotel I've been interning in... Which has been great. I'm earning a steady stream of money, I'm spending my time wisely, I'm gaining contacts that'll most probably do me good in the future, but most importantly, I'm gaining friends that has been here for me everyday. (Oh and that's me and my colleagues, after Christmas, looking dead)

I've also moved houses, to a beautiful, huge studio apartment just 5 minutes away from my hotel, with two swimming pools that's overlooking the twin towers, and a jacuzzi, and a gym (which I don't use) and a reading room (which I'm currently leeching Internet off). I'll be moving back to my old place before I start college, but to tell you the truth, I've gone to loving this place (though I can pretty much say I can't afford the rental).

I've lost weight... I never intend to, but it just happened. Having a swimming pool in my apartment means me forcing myself to swim every day (I only swim half an hour a day though, 10 laps, not much). I've also been drinking freshly squeezed fruit juices every day. But I've been eating as much, lol... Maybe even more :P

Anyways, that's all... Sounds insignificant, but it's been huge for me, seriously... College starts in less than two weeks, and a huge part of me want to go back to my old life, but another huge part is just immersed in all this gloriousness that I'm in. This is crazy.




Your mum reads my blog.
Did you think we'll be in love forever?