Sunday, February 14, 2016

Don't

"Don't love me. don't. just don't.

for i may not remember the year you were born, or the exact address of that place we first met, or your phone number, or what color was your shirt yesterday, or how many friends you have, or their names, or how long you and your ex had been together, or even her name. i may not remember these details, maybe it's because i didn't care much and i am really sorry for that.

but i will surely remember how you made me feel the first time i ever saw you.

i will indeed remember how my stomach twirled and turned the first moment you talked to me. i will remember how our first small talk, first chat, first phone call went. i will definitely remember all those signs that bestow glimpses of hope, all those words that gripped me together and further my wishes and expectations for us.

i will absolutely remember the exact way you loved me and made me feel worthy.

i will remember how you recall every important detail in my life. i will remember how you glanced at me then smiled so beautifully then told me that when you look at me, all you see is the rest of your life right before your very eyes. i will remember that time you confide your desire to live the rest of your life with me - to marry me and build a life with me. i will remember that moment you conceded that you don't know how you would recover your life if ever you'd lost me. i will remember how you genuinely loved me.

With that, however, i will also remember how every constituent of my body vibrated and echoed that excruciating pain. i will utterly remember how broken i am (still), along with all your broken promises.

i will remember perfectly how it ravaged every beautiful element inside me; how you destroyed me.

because i will always remember all these, like burns engraved in my chest, in my mind, and right through my bare soul.

1 comment:

Launna said...

Lynnie you are back... I too will never forget the way my D made me feel... the first time I looked in his eyes when I was 15.. the first time I knew he felt something for me when we were 47, our first kiss... but I also remember breaking into a million pieces when he broke my heart and now he doesn't even talk to me... that nearly destroyed me.. I love your honest writing xox